


10:35 on a Thursday

by Fictropes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Smut, Watersports mentions, handjobs, idk how to explain but it's just they exist in a way 2 annoy phil, kinky quizzes specifically, quizzes, tw: mentions of needles but like.. nothing happens with needles?!?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:53:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: He’s tapping his pen against the paper, acting as though he isn’t asking Phil to take a sex quiz at 10:35am on a Thursday morning.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 104





	10:35 on a Thursday

**Author's Note:**

> these are the question on like the first page of all the sex quizzes i actually googled 4 this. (if u go any further than page 1 then u will realise these are the tame ones)

There’s a glint in Dan’s eye that tells Phil he is about to go through it - through something. He closes his laptop gently, sliding it beneath the coffee table because he's fully aware Dan's in the sort of mood where he won't accept anything but Phil’s complete and undivided attention. 

“Phil.” He clambers onto the sofa with all the grace of a 6’3 man with 10% control over his own limbs, nearly knees Phil somewhere he’d really rather not be kneed. “I found something. A quiz.”  


They’ve taken a few quizzes before, there was a particularly memorable one taken whilst drunk that led to Dan sulking when it shipped Phil with someone who wasn’t him. 

  
  
“About us? If yes, no.” 

  
  
“No, no. God. I think i’ve had enough to last me an entire lifetime.” He’s got his phone, a pad of paper and pen.

A serious quiz, then. 

“Ok.” Phil shrugs, he’s in for it already and it’s not like they’ve got anything better to do today. He stretches out his legs, smiles when Dan immediately starts rubbing small circles into the skin just above his ankle. It’s been eleven years and they still touch near constantly, just small things he doubts they even realise they’re doing anymore. 

“Good!” Dan smiles, all dimples and innocence and then— “do you like to be dominated in the bedroom? It’s more of a sliding scale sort thing, so strongly agree, strongly disagree then.. you know. Medium. Medium agree.” He’s tapping his pen against the paper, acting as though he isn’t asking Phil to take a sex quiz at 10:35am on a Thursday morning. 

“Really?”

  
  
“C’mon.”

  
  
“Dan,” he reaches out, squeezes Dan’s knee just on the edge of too hard. “You know the answer to that one.”

  
  
“I’ll say disagree, cos sometimes - yeah.” He murmurs, scribbling down the answer with absolute concentration. His tongue is peeking out the corner of his mouth, and Phil wonders if that’s something he’d picked up from Phil. They’ve melded into one person, stupid habits reflected in one another.“I will say - for me - strongly agree.”

“Really? Eleven years and I never knew.” Phil teases, getting his hand pushed away in thanks. “I suppose we’re doing this, then. Go on, next question.” 

  
  
“I like receiving pain during sex, then seeing the results afterward. So bruises, bites, puncture wounds from where i’ve used my vampire tendencies on Daniel Howell.” 

“You love it.” He settles back against the cushions, regarding Dan with a tilt of the head, a raised eyebrow above new glasses. “Why are we doing this?”

  
  
“Cos we’ve never done it before. We just go at each other with no academic quiz background.” He looks expectant, pen poised and ready to go.

  
  
“I don’t think this is an academic quiz, don’t remember taking it at uni.” 

  
  
“It’s academic, this isn’t some buzzfeed bullshit. Take it seriously, I will be grading you at the end on a level of I like to do it in missionary only to I want a needle up my urethra.”

Phil visibly pales, shakes his head so quickly he gets a little dizzy. “That isn’t a thing, shutup.” He grabs for Dan’s phone, misses it entirely. 

  
  
“It’s a thing, bub. Don’t kink shame.” He’s smirking, cos he’s a shit and takes too much pleasure in making Phil squirm. “Now answer my original question. The pain one.”

  
  
“No, I mean, I don’t mind the odd lovebite. But you’re the one with the whole spanking thing going on.” He pauses, thinks about the question and then settles on. “Yes, but I like seeing it on you? Like when we used to do videos, or whatever, I kind of liked knowing you had to wear a certain jumper to cover up whatever my teeth had left.” 

  
  
“Yeah,” Dan agrees, pen scratching across the sheet in which looks like something too detailed for a simple strongly agree. “Anyway - If you could make some money selling pornographic clips of yourself, would you?”

  
  
“Well, the toxic video exists. And me pressing me arse up against glass in order to try on a cheese suit, so, make of that what you will.” Dan snorts, soft circles turning into a small pinch. “Hey! You asked.”

  
  
“Ok, you can have an onlyfans but the condition is you refuse everyones subscription but mine.” He leans over awkwardly, a position that looks almost back breaking, just to kiss the skin he’d just assaulted. “In answer, I really liked getting off to you on skype, but like just to you. In my life long mission to become AmazingPhil’s personal ho, I will have to say strongly disagree.” 

“God, those conversations used to keep me going for weeks.” He tips his head back, staring at the ceiling whilst he just - remembers. 

  
“Oi, snap out of it. You can think about how eager I was to fuck my own fingers for you later.” He sounds smug, like he still knows he has this massive effect on Phil - always will. “I might even do it for you later, if you get a good grade.” 

  
  
“Tease.” He comes back into the room, meeting Dan’s gaze with a soft one of his own. He’s always so, so beautiful. Phil has to catch his breath sometimes - even now - when he looks at him. “Go on, then. I need to get my A, A* if the grader is feeling particularly kind.”

”Do you enjoy CBT?”

Phil draws a blank, pulls a face. “Crash bandicoot... time?”

”Cock and ball torture.”

”Oh!” He squeaks. “No. No, Thankyou.”

”Crash bandicoot time. Jesus, Phil. Don’t even wanna know what you’re thinking.” Dan snorts, and Phil knows they’ll never be able to play the game again without Dan taking the absolute piss.

”What?” Phil demands. “Sorry for not knowing the slang for the literal torture of my balls.”

Dan rolls his eyes, but ultimately drops it. “If I couldn’t fulfil all of my partners sexual needs, i’d let them see other people to fill the gaps.”

  
“Absolutely fuck off.” 

  
  
“Strongly disagree, then.” Dan laughs, “same for me, obviously. I’m going to have an aneurysm if we see that fucking surfer guy in an airport one more time, imagine me shipping you off to have sex with him.” He balks, accepting Phil’s hand when he reaches out to tangle their fingers together. Every position they’ve sat in today has been uncomfortable, but it’s worth it just to see the rosy patch on Dan’s cheek. 

“You’re stuck with me now, no take backs. Phil cannot be returned to the store, he is outside of the 28 day warranty by.. about 3900 days.” 

“Even if I claim to have lost the receipt, and I only got you like a week ago? I promise, cashier, I only got him on Friday.” Dan looks pleased though, all pink cheeks and doe eyes and everything Phil had fallen in love with all those years ago. He’d been fucked from the start, really, even a shitty Skype connection couldn’t hide how they looked at each other. “But good, good good - would you try anything once? Even if you think you wouldn’t like it?”

“If this is your way of trying to get me to do the needle thing, you genuinely can return me anywhere. any store. I don’t mind. I’d be quite happy sitting on the shelves of Asda, Tesco, Waitrose if you want to give me a fancy final send off.” He can’t stop picturing it now though, it’s making him feel a little bit queasy. He promises himself not to google it, already know he’s going to cos surely - _it can’t be an actual thing?_

“Was worth a shot.” Dan sighs, and Phil can see the exaggerated STRONGLY DISAGREE from here. “I enjoy feeling like prey being hunted by a Predator.”

  
  
“I— what?” Phil frowns, absolutely baffled by the words that had just left Dan. They definitely formed a sentence, somehow, but not one Phil could comprehend. “No? Like a bird? I don’t understand. Is this bird roleplay? Furry stuff?”

  
  
Dan is in hysterics, shaking his head the more Phil says - anything. “No! For fucks sake, shutup. Let’s just both say strongly disagree.” 

  
  
“Ok, I didn’t like that question. Actually I hated it.” He’s pouting, imagining himself as a small worm in the dirt and Dan as a big eagle swooping down to eat him. 

  
  
“Noted. Do you like being addressed as a superior during sex?” Dan asks, all the nonchalance that comes from being with the same person for so long.

“I mean - I don’t not like.” He muses, thinking back on the odd time Dan had been in a mood and broken out the word _Sir._ “I’ll go medium. I don't need it, but I won’t object if it happens. Kinda hot if you're feeling some type of way.”

  
  
“Mhm.” Dan hums in agreement, scribbling, then scrolling. “I enjoy the idea of pissing myself, or controlling my partners bladder.”

  
  
“Oh.” Phil laughs, and it’s nervous. A nervous sound that Dan latches onto in an instant. 

  
  
“Oh?” 

  
  
“I mean— I sort of like the idea of you losing control. Or whatever.” It’d happened once, not by choice, by a very drunken Dan and Phil not realising they should probably piss before going to bed after drinking too much wine. He’d woken up to a very, very embarrassed Dan. He was all apologies, and promises of paying for new sheets and Phil - well - he had other ideas. Namely pressing the palm of his hand against Dan’s bladder, wrapping the other around his dick, seeing if he could get more out of him. “Go with like.. medium.” 

“We can, you know. If you want. Wouldn’t object.” And he looks like he’s thinking about the same night, looks a little bit dazed and, for the first time since this started, his pen isn’t immediately moving to write down the answer. “Er- right. Anyway. I like being degraded.” 

  
  
“Na, next.”

  
  
“Bossy.” 

  
  
“I know you like it when I call you names, though.” Phil had been hesitant at first, because what if Dan liked it in theory and hated it in practise. What if Phil called him a slut and Dan immediately burst into tears? He hadn't - it was a regular thing now. 

  
  
“Yeah, yeah. Stop looking so pleased with yourself.” He looks pleased with himself, though, like he knows Phil likes it, too. “I like acting in animalistic ways during sex. e.g. biting, growling and yeah. You absolutely fucking do, don’t even need to ask. I think the first thing you did when we met was bite my shoulder.”

  
  
“It’s how I show love!” Phil whines, but he can already see Dan writing.  


“I never said I didn’t appreciate it.” Dan switches position, moving so Phil is half in his lap and he can use his calves as a writing table. “I’d like to tie my partner up.”

  
  
“No? I like your hands, like how much you’re always touching me.” And he does, Dan doesn’t stop moving his hands over Phil’s skin - to pull him closer, to scratch, to dig his nails in. “We can try it, if you want. But I just like your hands having free range.”

  
  
“Cute.” Dan snorts, but the slight blush on his cheeks betrays him. “I think we’d somehow like do a knot that’s impossible to undo and then we’d have to saw me out, so, I agree.”

  
  
“I’m not that bad, I could do a pretty decent knot.” He thinks back to the time he joined scouts for about a week, realises that’s a lie and encourages Dan to write down disagree.

  
  
“I find the romantic aspects of a relationship much more important than the kinky ones.” Dan sounds genuinely curious about this one, stops looking at his phone to register Phil’s initial reaction.  


  
“We have a good sex life, like - fuck, you still do it for me.” He wriggles until he’s halfway down the sofa, his chin buried in the neck of his hoodie. “But I think I need that connection, like if we weren’t as stupidly in love as we are the sex wouldn’t be as - amazing? I don’t think. I like knowing that we can be silly, or things can go wrong, and stupid noises can happen and - you know? We won’t be embarrassed cos we’re too gone for each other. I think, with us, they both work together perfectly.” 

  
  
“Mhm.” He abandons his phone and paper for a few seconds, just to lean in for a kiss that’s disgustingly tender and sweet. “For someone who wants me to piss themselves, that was very sappy.” He murmurs against Phil’s lips with a smile, one final peck and he’s moving back to his side of the sofa. 

  
  
“Yeah.” The kiss catches Phil off guard, makes him feel like a teenager again. Dan did that sometimes, knocked them back eleven entire years to something that felt like the first ever time. “Next question?”

“Straight back to it. Part of the fun of being a dominant is when your submissive speaks back to you, so like - acts out.” 

  
  
“Oh, come on, you know that already. You’re such a brat sometimes.” Phil says it without even needing to think, “you like seeing how far you can push it, I like to pretend it’s not hot even though it really is. Like I want to tell you off but then - you’re just so.. fuck. It’s your eyes, and that pout, does things.” 

  
  
“I know. You have a thing for me being a wanker.” Dan laughs, and of course he already knew. “I enjoy my partner acting like a pet.”

  
  
“I mean, I could get behind the idea of you in a collar.” Phil twists his lips, offers Dan a small shrug. “But I wouldn't like want you to bark at me?”

  
  
“I think you're missing the point, love.” Dan rolls his eyes, all fond and soft. “But alright, we’ll go with just below medium.”

  
  
“I am not. I watched that show on channel 4 once, that puppy play one and they were in like latex suits and kept in massive cages. I don’t want to keep you in a massive cage.” 

  
  
“Phil, shutup. Stop watching channel 4 documentaries, ok?” He writes on Phil’s bare leg, he doesn’t know what it says but he has a feeling it’s something offensive. 

  
  
“You could give me ink poisoning.” He points out, Dan just writes more.

  
  
“Alright, what are we? - in year 8? Idiot.” He laughs, finishing off with a big full stop before returning his pen to paper. “It’s kind of getting into needle-y territory now.”

  
  
“Please can we stop? I literally am begging you.” He can’t hack it, he knows there’s probably a question about something that _isn’t_ piss and the idea is making him squirm. “You can just ask me nice questions instead. Like would I like you to make me a bowl of cereal? Yes.”

  
  
“I am not, you’ve already had two bowls of cereal this morning and it’s not going to be you going out to replace them.” It was his turn this week, they'd worked out a system when it suddenly became super hard to book an online delivery slot.

  
  
“I answered all your questions! I feel like it’s deserved.” He pulls himself up to lean on his elbows, gives Dan his best puppy dog eyes and relents when he shakes his head.

  
  
“You’ll be off your tits on sugar if it’s another bowl of that American stuff you want,” he runs a hand up, up, up. Pauses just on the top of Phil’s thigh. “Didn’t any of that stuff turn you on?”

  
  
“No.” Phil answers, but he spreads his legs anyway. He _could_ be turned on - could be if Dan kept looking at him like that. 

  
  
“No.” Dan repeats, pushing the book and pen to the floor with a small clatter. The pen rolls off somewhere, never to be found again, but Phil can’t find it in him to worry about that with Dan suddenly on top of him. 

  
  
“You do, though.” He slips his hands down the back of Dan’s joggers, pushing him down so their hips are flush. “Always fucking do.”

  
  
“You’re just easy when it comes to me.” Dan whispers, pressing featherlight kisses up Phil’s jawline. “When are you next filming?”

  
  
“Huh?” What? Dan’s saying something, it doesn’t quite compute in Phil’s brain until it’s asked again. “Oh. Not till next Monday, probably.”

  
  
“Good.” Dan uses teeth, tongue, bites down on a spot too high up his neck to hide. It makes Phil’s brain short circuit, turns his thoughts into nothing but a string of - _Dan, Dan, Dan._ It’s selfish how much Phil wants right now. 

“God. And I thought I was the bitey one.” Phil laughs, and it’s a garbled mess of a thing half ruined by a moan he hadn’t given permission to come out of his mouth. They don’t do this often, both knew he was on camera too much, but it was fucking _everything_. Sometimes Phil liked it when he was visibly someones - specifically visibly _Dans’._

_  
  
_“You are, vampire boy.” He’s got a hand up Phil’s t-shirt, all long and clever fingers gently taking him apart. 

  
  
“We doing it here?” It was fitting, really, they’d been sat uncomfortably since this all began so why not keep up with the theme. The tv remote was digging into Phil’s back, Dan looked like he could go falling of the edge any moment and it was all adding to how much Phil _wanted_. 

Dan just grunted in response, finishing his own personal works of art against Phil’s skin before pulling back to sit on his hips. “Wanna go for 2009.”

“I suppose you’d better start spitting on your hand, then.” Phil knew what that meant, it was going to be a quick, desperate thing with stuttering movements and clumsy hands. They’d been pretty brazen, in all honesty. Anyone could’ve walked through Phil’s front door back then, caught him and Dan going at it on the sofa. He’d had a perfectly good bedroom, but they were always too impatient to stop and take the time to go upstairs. Everything started during a movie, when they were supposed to just be watching the screen but instead couldn’t stop watching each other.

He’d even gone as far as debating burying a bottle of lube down into the sofa cushions, but then he remembered someone in his actual family could find it. 

“You know we could keep lube in here now, we should keep lube in here now.” Dan doesn’t move to get any, though, is instead tapping at the outside of Phil’s thighs, not stopping until he gets the hint. Until he lifts his hips so Dan can pull his pyjamas bottoms and boxers down just below his arse. 

He spits on his hand and strokes Phil until he’s fully hard, until he’s desperately rolling into Dan’s touches. He’s gotten this down to a fine art, knows how to touch just enough that it leaves Phil _wanting,_ but not enough that it gets Phil off. It’s cruel, actually, Phil tells him as much.

  
  
“Do you really want this to end at just a handjob?”

  
  
“Oh.” Phil swallows, shaking his head because who would ever turn down _that_ mouth. “No.” 

  
  
“Thought not.” Dan smirks, and sometimes Phil thinks maybe he isn’t the only one who’s dominant, that sometimes Dan has complete control over everything - over taking Phil apart perfectly. “I’m not sucking you off, though.”

  
  
“What?” And he tries not to pout, because Dan doesn’t have to do something he doesn't’ want, but he’s definitely pouting. He’d been having all sorts of fantasies in the last thirty seconds about coming down Dan’s throat - or something. 

  
  
“Got a toothache, your stupid big dick will hurt me more.” He explains, and this is what he’d been talking about in regards to romance vs kinkiness in relationships earlier. Something like that - said like that - would probably be left out if you weren't all the way completely in love. “I was doing the quiz to try and distract myself from it, but then you looked all flustered talking about everything and I was like - _oh, I wanna do stuff to him._ ” 

  
  
“I’ll take that as a compliment?” Phil doesn’t know where this is going now, not until Dan pulls down his own joggers and wraps a hand around them both. “ _Oh_.” 

  
  
Dan’s got massive hands, and they’ve always been so talented in making Phil fall apart. He lays back and lets Dan do all the work, watches as he gets a bit more needy. 

  
  
He ends up back on top of Phil entirely, humping him more than anything else, a complete display of wanting nothing but to come. He’s panting into Phil’s neck, small little whines that drive Phil insane. “Phil- fuck, touch me.” 

  
  
“Mhm, ask nicely.”

  
“Please.” It doesn’t even take a second. 

  
  
He runs a hand down to Dan’s arse, and, god, he wishes he had lube so he could push two fingers inside him. Dan’s always so receptive, always makes the prettiest sounds. Instead he settles for brushing along his perineum, enjoying the full body shudder he gets in response. He’d never been with anyone as sensitive before, had gotten a big head over the years from just how easy it was to work Dan up. 

  
“Fuck. Fuck, fuck.” It doesn’t take long after, for Dan’s entire body to tense, for him to come, hot and thick, out over Phil’s stomach. He's collapsed against him, not moving as he catches his breath. 

  
  
The glide of his own come makes it easy, Phil rolls his hips and fucks whatever part of Dan he can. Cock moving against Dan’s stomach until he joins him. Until he's biting down too hard on his bottom lip, spilling out into the mess already between them.

  
  
They lay there for five minutes, neither of them saying a word as they come back down to earth. 

They need to move, need to clean up, before the become joint at the bellies by their own bodily fluids. 

  
  
Phil speaks first, “Oh, Dan, what grade did I get?”

  
  
“Ah.” Dan murmurs, clears his throat to make his words come out properly, “check your leg.”

  
  
It’s an awkward thing because Dan isn’t moving and Phil is reluctant to tell him to, he somehow manages to crane his head just so, calf coming into view complete with big black letters. 

_B-Likes piss, but defo no urethra needles._  


**Author's Note:**

> [as always if u would liek 2 reblog on tumblr as a friendly smutty show of support](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/627563439630483456/1035-on-a-thursday)
> 
> missionary only actually ❤️  
>    
> ok this was to test the waters on how id ever feel writing smut into like.. longer future stories. I honestly still don't know ghfdefsdwq i made it short and silly still cos i'm honestly not sure. the quiz part was fun 2 me tho. ALSO phil.... let pet play into your heart :(.
> 
> let me know your..... thoguhts.... :)
> 
> (ALSO as u can see i am uploading at a rapid pace cos writing fic rn is the only think keeping me from spiralling.)


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